


color me blue

by chemicalroses



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Ending, Assisted Suicide, Gratsu - Freeform, M/M, PTSD, Sad, gray has hardcore panic attacks, natsu is end, very angsty, you need to be caught up with the manga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 21:31:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5556140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chemicalroses/pseuds/chemicalroses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>.</p><p>Blood looked pretty on his pale skin, in the ugliest way.</p><p>.</p><p>(The ending of Fairy Tail, in which Gray has to kill Natsu without wanting to kill himself.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	color me blue

**Author's Note:**

> So Gray has panic attacks that make him feel like he's dying of heat I am sorry if you get confused

“Fairy Tail will disband,”

Natsu sat still, alone, as those ugly words came from his master’s mouth. He wasn’t supposed to have heard that, because he wasn’t Mirajane, who was the only person trusted with this information. Master had pulled her aside in the new infirmary, voice low, eyes locked on hers. They were much too focused to have noticed him.

The words went right through Natsu; left him up against the wall for support. Saying nothing, the slayer leaned back on his hands and cherished his denial before it all became real; as real as Igneel’s cold body in the ground, or the fresh scars on his own skin.

Disband.

Separate.

Disperse.

End.

No lazy guild mornings or rushing to grab that one good job before someone else. No festivals or parties or celebrations, or late nights with his team. There wouldn’t even be a team anymore.

He let out a shaky breath and calmed his hands enough to clutch around the scarf adorning his neck. His immediate thought was to pull the ends and choke—it would be fast if he did it now, and no one was in the hallway that could hear him. His hands, however, released the fabric altogether and buried themselves in his tangled hair, pulling just enough to ease his crave of self-destruction. 

“What will all of us do, Master?” Mira’s voice was calm and it sent shivers down Natsu’s spine.

“That’s not my problem,” Makarov answered.

Minutes of debating ensued after this, but Natsu wouldn’t listen to any of it. He came for an answer, a real answer, as to what was going to happen to them, and that’s what he got without even having to ask.

“It’s not goodbye, Mira, you know that.”

There was a shatter that could only be assumed as a glass being thrown against the floor, an action that was often performed by the satanic woman in red.

“It will never be the same,” She mumbled under her breath, “You think that after all of this, if we disband for even a _month_ , that everyone will come back how they were before?”

The master didn’t answer and Natsu’s right arm hung heavy at his side.

…

“I’ll be lonely!”

Natsu winced at Lucy’s sharp cries and could only suppose she opened his letter. He should’ve expected this, for her to scream and run around pointlessly until someone comforted her, but it still startled him.

However, her whines were the way of the world and he loved her for it, but not enough to stay. Her life, he reminded himself, was more important than her feelings.

His feet were numb by the time he reached his final delivery. The slayer set it up like this, for Gray to receive his letter last. His apartment was the farthest from the hall and he didn’t need to worry about Gray screaming or crying. Even if he did, no one was around to hear him.

The apartment was cold and empty, Natsu realized as soon as he opened the door (which, to his delight, had been unlocked). Shredded shirts were left hanging over his couch, and his windows were shattered—leaving the thick curtains to move with bitter wind from the winter outside.

Natsu pulled at his hair and stepped in further, leaving the door open behind him. The room reminded him of a prison cell, where men drove themselves mad trying to get out—and while the slayer wanted his friend’s freedom, he couldn’t lose his own.

“Fuck,”

A familiar voice made him drop the thin envelope into a bed of glass shards pooling on the floor.

“So it’s true then,”

There was blood in his mouth from biting his tongue and he sucked on the metallic flavor as he turned to face the man, who was also bleeding from scratch marks down his bare chest. Another shredded shirt was thrown into the pile as Natsu’s hand moved to pick up the parchment.

“Gray, what happened?”

The raven swayed on his feet, tugging his fringe out of his eyes so he could see the other.

“I haven’t been doing great,” He stammered, maintaining a straight face as his scarred hands ran up and down his arms, “You haven’t either, I guess.”

Natsu didn’t answer; he knew it was pointless to ask questions. Instead of prying he decided to help directly, by picking up a clean towel off of a desk and tossing it to Gray, whose scratches weren’t scabbed over yet.

“You shouldn’t do that to yourself,” He said quietly.

(Gray wanted to respond and say that it wasn’t something he could control; that every night he’d feel like he was dying and burning up to the point where he needed to rip off his own skin. That he couldn’t go to the guild hall because if he saw anyone he’d have a breakdown. That the attacks he endured every day were progressively getting worse. He couldn’t say these things and he didn’t have to. Natsu already knew.)

“I know,” Gray took the towel and gingerly cleaned his skin. The white fabric turned red.

“So I get a letter,” The ice mage said, calming down as a smile graced his features, “As much as I appreciate the thought, I expected more from you, Natsu Dragneel.”

“Oh shut up,” The slayer laughed, a warm feeling breaking the cold atmosphere.

“You’re really leaving so soon?”

“I have to,”

Natsu watched the other pull a knitted sweater over his head. It was blue like his eyes and Natsu couldn’t look; couldn’t remember even the slightest bit about this man; couldn’t get attached. Sadly, he knew it was too late for that.

Gray sighed and threw the dirty towel into a wastebasket before sitting on the arm of his couch, craning his neck to look up. Natsu pretended not to notice how his stomach flipped when the mage bit his bottom lip in thought.

“Where will you go?”

The raven fell back onto the couch, landing with a slight cough.

“I don’t know, training, probably. Juvia said she’d go with me if I wanted help.”

A sick feeling welled up in Natsu’s throat and the slayer was surprised that he didn’t vomit when he continued to talk.

“Oh,” He scrunched up his nose, “Is that what you want?”

Gray closed his eyes.

“I don’t know. I don’t trust myself to be alone but at the same time that’s all I want.”

“Do you love her?”

There was a pause and Natsu wanted to punch himself for caring so much. Gray didn’t even flinch, though; he looked like he was thinking, thinking much too hard for a question that simple.

“Yeah,” His jaw clenched and unclenched, “I love her. Like a sister.”

_Relief._

“She’d die if you told her that,”

“I already have.”

Minutes past and Gray’s eyes were still closed, leaving Natsu to think he was asleep. His messy hair was for once out of his eyes, exposing the faded scar over his left eyebrow. Natsu almost thought of Galuna Island before remembering that he wasn’t supposed to feel nostalgia this soon.

“Natsu,”

“Yeah,”

“Will I see you again before you leave?”

Natsu then recalled everything that had happened over the past few days and shuddered at the thought of leaving. He wanted to stay more than anything. He wanted to be the one to help Gray, to get him out of this new low. He didn’t want to go.

“No,”

Another silence fell as Natsu stood, envelope still clutched tightly in his hand, preparing to leave.

“Natsu,”

He turned around too fast, to eager, and saw Gray standing now. His tall, strong figure was so familiar, but his face was too sad. Blue eyes were tired and weak, and his lips were trembling. But Gray was still beautiful. Always beautiful.

“Remember me,”

Then those strong arms were around him and Natsu lost his mind in the touch, instantly dropping the slip of paper and burying himself further into his chest while Gray’s hands held him together. He was cold and familiar and just plain _Gray_ and the slayer knew in that moment that it would hurt to let him go.

“Remember what you mean to me, okay?”

The words were unsteady and Natsu exhaled into his neck before Gray let go.

“I love you, you know,” The ice mage let out a mangled laugh, “We always fight and everything, but I just need you to know that… That I really…”

“I know,” Natsu said, knowing their definitions of love differed in this sense, “I love you too, Gray.”

_So fucking much._

_._

Natsu closed the door behind him when he left, and forgot the envelope on the ground. Gray couldn’t catch his breath when the door latched shut, and quickly ripped open the mess of glue sticking the envelope together. The letters were messy and ugly and screamed terrible things, but the ink had come from a pen Natsu had held, and the parchment smelled like him. Gray fell to his knees and clutched it to his heart, wishing he had the strength to run into the hallway and scream that he actually did _love_ him, more than anything in the world; more than Juvia and Lucy and Erza, and more than the friend he made him out to be.

But his hands were shaking too much to open the door and even if he did make it outside, Natsu might not even hear him.

.

Two days into a new life and Natsu’s eyes were stinging from the tears that wouldn’t stop coming.

.

Four days in and Gray let Juvia follow him to a new life, silently wishing she was someone else.

.

Six months into a new life Gray lost it; he couldn’t lead the poor girl on anymore even though he had told her how he felt, so he left early in the morning and found Erza—who had a position waiting to be filled. A spy. Gray smiled and shook her hand; let the black stain his skin and slicked his hair back, secretly excited to be anyone but himself, even if this someone new was out to destroy the world.

.

Six months into a new life and Natsu’s hair was long like Rogue’s. He liked it long, he realized it was easier to pull and made him feel different. Lucy made sure to have Cancer cut it all off, though—to his normal style—because she wasn’t good at change. The strands of pink stuck to his clothes and Lucy’s carpet.

(“Make sure you get all of it,” she had commanded, rolling up and down on the balls of her feet, “I would’ve vacuumed earlier if I’d known you were going to show up here,”)

She wasn’t going to stay behind so Natsu took Lucy with him, to search for the rest of the guild members. He let her tell him about the disbandment, and pretended he hadn’t known before. It was easier that way, and explaining would just make his headache worse.

.

“I will destroy END,” Gray leaned in to look every member of Avatar in the face, to make them feel how serious he was. He’d never admit it but playing this character was refreshing, freeing—made him feel strong again.

He could never be evil, he knew that. But he could pretend.

.

“I’ll bring Gray back,” The name caught on Natsu’s lips and his entire body froze as he said it for the first time since he last saw him. Juvia’s eyes closed in fatigue and Wendy began sweating, for her healing magic proved unhelpful in this case.

“What do you think happened to him?” Lucy asked.

Natsu looked into the rain outside and thought back to the shredded shirts in Gray’s apartment, and how longingly the raven had stared at the glass shards from the windows—like he wanted them against his wrists instead of on the cold floor. It was scary how easily Natsu could believe Gray did these things to himself, but he didn’t overthink it. Blood looked pretty on his pale skin, in the ugliest way.

“I don’t know.”

.

 _Smack_.

Lucy’s hand slapped Gray’s cheek hard and he didn’t flinch at all; instead he moved with the force and let his neck crack in the most beautiful way. It made his head spin and he smiled despite her anger, despite her ignorance.

When he later exposed himself he noticed Natsu’s eyes on his own, which were darker than before. The slayer stood straight and extended his arm.

“We missed you,” He said softly, refraining from saying anything else.

Gray took the bandaged hand and gently ran his scarred thumb over Natsu’s rough skin.

“I missed you too,”

Natsu smiled and Gray wanted to kiss him. He let go of his hand.

.

“Are you feeling better?” Natsu asked when they finally got time alone. Gray looked up at him, picking at his nails.

“I’ve been distracted,” He said with a small laugh, “Not allowed to think about my problems with other people around, right?”

“You can with me,”

Gray’s eyes widened and Natsu saw blue.

 **(** He was reminded of a conversation he had with Rogue when he had visited Saber a few days previous. Sting, with his sharp-toothed grin and bright eyes, had run ahead to talk to Lucy, leaving Natsu alone with the shadow slayer. He was intimidating; Rogue was, having taken out his ponytail. Smooth black hair covered most of his face, exposing one gothic red eye and leaving the other covered.

“Sting’s happy today,” He said, looking at the blond, “It’s been a while.”

Natsu didn’t question how Rogue knew this, because he knew the two of them were head over heels in love with each other—if not that then they were at least fucking—and with that sort of connection it was not hard to know. Despite his silence, however, Rogue decided to explain further.

“It’s been hard on him, the whole Master thing. He’s a kid at heart and the responsibility’s shaken him up a bit. But his eyes seem brighter now,” His gaze softened, “Blue eyes are all so pretty, you know?”

“I do,” Natsu nodded.

“They’re all different, it’s sort of crazy,” Rogue laughed, “Like Juvia, her eyes look like the sky before it rains, and Sting’s look like a clear ocean. One with all sorts of bright colors in it,”

“I didn’t know you liked blue eyes so much,” He commented, playfully nudging the dark one’s arm. Rogue shrugged.

“It’s the little things some people just look over. I appreciate them, at least.”

“So do I.” **)**

At the time, Natsu had tried to remember the exact shade of blue Gray’s eyes were, but couldn’t do them justice. Now he could see that the pupil was a black moon against a fading night blue sky, illuminated with stars—too many to count. An eclipse.

“Is there something on my face?” Gray asked, noticing the intense stare.

“No, sorry,” Natsu quickly looked away, “I just got distracted.”

.

Gray couldn’t sleep. He hadn’t slept in weeks, maybe months, and the bags under his eyes were so prominent he was sure Lucy thought he was some sort of vampire. Not that she’d mind, probably. She was into those types of things.

He paced around outside of the new guild hall, hands deep in his jean pockets. The black sweater he had pulled on had been torn and disposed of quickly, and was bunched up on the ground. He’d occasionally kick it when he had the chance, to show the heat who was boss.

“Fucking stupid,” He hissed and spit on the ground, trying to refrain from puking. He was still too hot even though it was windy outside, and he was ashamed of it—he was an ice mage, he shouldn’t have this problem. His skin was freezing yet inside he was boiling and he couldn’t catch his breath. Subconsciously his dulled nails ran themselves up and down his chest, trying to somehow get rid of the pain.

“Gray,” Natsu’s voice was coming from somewhere, “Gray, calm down,”

“It’s hot,” He panted, breaths coming out in short huffs, “Too hot,”

“It’s all in your head, Gray, you’re freezing,”

“Hot,” He collapsed into two arms and stayed there for god knows how long, but when his episode ended he hadn’t moved.

“Better?”

Natsu was holding him at three eighteen in the morning in the middle of the street, looking down with wide eyes. Gray couldn’t talk yet, because he was confused as fuck and didn’t know what to say. The slayer gently helped him up to his feet.

“Come home with me, okay?”

Gray nodded and followed, leaving his shredded sweater on the ground behind him.

.

“It’s been that bad for this long?” Natsu asked once they got to his and Happy’s house. The exceed had fallen asleep beforehand.

“That was a minor one,” Gray wouldn’t look at him, “Sorry you had to see it.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there earlier,” He smiled at him and inched closer. They were sitting cross legged on the floor, fresh bandages on Gray’s chest and Natsu’s scarf in his hands.

“I’m better now!” Gray exclaimed suddenly, “Fucking PTSD’s got nothing on this badass.”

“Not on this one either,” Natsu agreed.

They laughed a little while longer and somehow Natsu’s head ended up on Gray’s shoulder with their fingers interlaced. He could hear the ice mage’s heartbeat and there wasn’t a sweeter sound in the world, and his chest hurt because he knew in a few hours this would end.

“I wanted to kiss you,” Gray whispered so softly Natsu almost missed it.

“What?”

“When you gave me that letter, I wanted to kiss you,” He repeated, “I wanted to kiss you every time I saw you back then, I still do.”

Natsu kept his gaze locked on their hands and tried his best to focus on Gray’s heartbeat again, which remained constant.

“Please,” He breathed, “We still have time,”

He already knew the answer, because Gray was tightening the grip on his hand and his heart had sped up the slightest bit.

“No we don’t,”

.

When he woke up, Gray was gone; the torn black sweater was in his place. Natsu cried because it smelled like him and everything he’d never have.

.

“This is the story of a cursed boy and a cursed girl.”

Mavis looked sad and Gray couldn’t help but smile, because at this point everyone was cursed. She looked at him before she started talking.

He wondered if she thought he looked sad, too.

.

“My name is Zeref Dragneel,”

No.

“I am your older brother.”

No. No. No. No. _No_.

Not when he was this close. Not when he was so close to defeating him, the monster that was Zeref. He couldn’t handle any more emotions, any more change.

“That is what you are,” Zeref kept talking and Natsu felt pressure in the back of his head, he felt like he was going to die.

“Etherious Natsu Dragneel,”

His right arm fell to his side, throbbing.

“END.”

The name of the demon echoed in his head and it didn’t take long for him to realize how much it made _sense_. He wouldn’t listen to his inner thoughts, though, denying the truth seemed much easier, so that’s what he did.

“I’m Zeref’s little brother… I died 400 years ago… And now I’m also END? Bullshit,” He sneered. Zeref continued his explanation, about Igneel and the reasoning and the rest of the generation one dragon slayers, and Natsu didn’t want to listen anymore.

“You are a demon from the Book of Zeref,”

Natsu pulled up his fist in defense, ready to punch him again and yell at the top of his lungs how wrong he was.

“Once you kill me,” Zeref’s eyes were sad, “You will cease to exist as well.”

He didn’t choke on his punch, instead it came forth with enough strength, enough power, to end everything—even if it meant dying. He didn’t care. It didn’t matter. _He_ didn’t matter. Zeref dying was the main priority.

His fist swung out so fast that when it collided with nothing, his shoulder popped. Immediately he thought Gray had grabbed him, had stopped him—but then all he could hear was Happy’s voice in his head and he could no longer see Zeref.

Natsu’s eyes were bleeding and his arm felt numb.

He never went back to the guild.

.

_A child from 400 years ago._

That’s what Mavis had told him. Gray didn’t believe it at first, not when he first heard. He had known Natsu since they were children. He had _loved_ Natsu since they were children. And when he disappeared, Gray had expected the answer to be that he was just having a hard time, or gotten lost or something.

He would have never thought that the man he was ready to die protecting was the demon he had sworn to kill.

Mavis tried to keep talking but Gray was already walking away, tearing at his shirt. It was too hot, too hot for his skin, and there was no one to hold him anymore.

.

The transformation process was agony.

Natsu wouldn’t let himself believe he’d lose at first, because sure, he could be a demon, but not one that acted upon any killer thoughts. But recently his heart beat quicker and he could see things—terrible things—in a bright, clear light. Happy tried to comfort him, to bring him things that could help, but there was nothing.

He craved flesh and blood, a taste no amount of fish or berries could satisfy.

And there were visions. Visions of him sinking his claws into Gray’s heart and ripping it apart while everyone watched. He’d kill the rest. Gray would be screaming in his mind, begging for him to stop, and that’s when he’d wake up, shaking on the rocky ground, trying to breathe.

They happened every night, every day—he didn’t sleep anymore, there was too much risk. He made the mistake of falling asleep once. It was the same thing, Gray’s heart in his hands, looking into cold blue eyes before turning around and slaughtering everyone else. This time, when he woke up, the claws on his fingers were real, but the heart wasn’t Gray’s.

Happy’s blood stained his hands and the demon screamed.

.

Gray saw his dad in a dream.

It was supposed to be one of the nice ones, since seeing his dad never happened in real life anymore. He looked the same as when he did before he died for the second time, when he was with Tartaros. Gray had expected him to say something, to give him guidance or some shit. But the man didn’t.

When he woke up Gray reached towards the drawer of his desk and pulled out Natsu’s letter, the one from before. The ink was still clear and black, and the words appeared more innocent than ever on the white page.

_Gray,_

_I’m leaving for a year to train. After what happened I feel like it’s what I need to do, since Igneel died and Zeref got away. I don’t know where I’ll go but I’ll come back, no need to worry about that! I promise I’ll kick your ass when I do, too._

_Goodbye for now,_

_Natsu_

_(Also, I’m sorry about your dad.  I’ll be thinking of you.)_

.

Months passed after Happy was killed.

Natsu buried him with as much sanity as he could keep at the time, and marked the grave with a stone and a flower Happy had brought him from a creek.

He tried writing a letter to Gray, to tell him he was sorry, to tell everyone he was sorry, but he couldn’t finish it. Cut off in the middle of a sentence, and after that, it was a downhill streak.

He couldn’t even finish a damn sentence.

His head was filled with shadows and blackness, and he was drowning in it—even if he managed to get out, it was only temporary before being sucked back under. It was about a week after Happy’s death, on the top of a cliff, that he really lost it.

He had been drowning again, under the surface; with his body trying to reject the foul cravings it had by puking up whatever he had left in his stomach. Sharp pain crashed through his limbs and it hurt to move, especially his shoulder blades. There was throbbing pressure in the back of his head, and it was pulling him under quickly. Normally there would be something to hold onto to keep steady, but this time there was nothing but wave upon wave of pure _madness_. It strapped him down and he tried to scream but nothing came out, and he could feel END taking control.

The pressure in his head and back exploded and his body howled as the demon hurled itself off of the cliff. The wind on his skin was as real as the horns behind his ears and the wings on his back.

.

“ _I found him_ ,” Erza burst into the guild hall, months after Natsu had disappeared, “I found him, look, there was a sighting—“

Gray was at her side in seconds and grabbed the thin piece of paper out of her hand. It was a map, a simple map, and without listening to his comrades he was out of the hall. Master and Erza tried to follow him, but Mavis held out her arm.

“Let him go,” She said, “he has to go.”

She burst into tears, and Gray left in peace.

.

800.

800 men, women and children dead.

Somewhere around 800, at least. Natsu had stopped counting around then. He watched from his confinement in the back of his own head, thrashing around, trying to do anything to break free. His demon was out for blood, and wouldn’t stop. He killed when he wanted, and whoever he wanted.

The body he grew up in was no longer his; END possessed it and was taking advantage of it for all of the wrong reasons. He felt as though nothing could break the curse. That he could never get his body back, but Natsu was never that pessimistic. He fought. Twenty four hours every day he fought. He fought while he ripped innocent people’s throats out, while he listened to people shrieking for him to stop. He fought while he heard that _Fairy Tail’s Salamander had finally lost it, finally started killing. It was about time. Menace. Monster._

They weren’t wrong.

He was on his way to a new town. A town he would soon terrorize until all that was left was bodies. He stopped first, on an empty street near an abandoned village. The houses were already torn down and it was more rubble than civilization. A random place, but at least there were no people, Natsu had thought to himself.

END paced around aimlessly, grunting occasionally, yet saying nothing. Hours passed like that, just walking around, until a voice called out to him and his body froze.

“I didn’t think you’d come _here_ ,”

Gray’s voice.

Natsu wanted to scream at him, to tell him to get the fuck away from him before END ripped his heart out like in his dreams. Gray was standing tall and strong, chest scars prominent. He wore them proudly like he did every other scar, as a mark of victory. Some were fresher than others, Natsu noticed. Gray didn’t seem to care.

“The map said you’d go to the next town over. I guess I’m just lucky you waited for me, huh?”

END growled at him, like a warning as to what was going to happen. Natsu tried his best to steady himself on his feet, so he wouldn’t move or attack him too suddenly.

It couldn’t be too bad, right? They’d fight just like when they were kids.

_Just like they were kids._

Natsu couldn’t lie to himself even on a bad day, and he knew all he could do was trust that Gray would survive. END charged forwards and the battle began.

Gray had trained just as much as Natsu had, maybe more, during the yearlong hiatus of their guild. He was fast and sharp, and could see what was coming from a mile away. The first few attacks came from END alone, and all Gray did was dodge them.

“I know you’re in there, Natsu, come on,” He panted, finally throwing a punch that landed right on the demon’s left cheek, “I don’t want to hurt you,”

Natsu wish he could tell him how much that didn’t matter, but even if he could, Gray wouldn’t have listened. Gray sighed when there wasn’t a response and dodged another attack from the demon. END was just another villain, he told himself, a villain he promised his dad he’d kill. A villain Natsu himself wanted dead. He could do it.

Gray winced as one of the demon’s horns went right through his side and coughed up blood. He wrapped a cold hand around END’s right wing and focused all of his energy on shooting sharp shards of ice through the leathery skin. The demon shrieked and began bucking around to get him off, but Gray wouldn’t let go. Not even when fire erupted from the skin underneath his hand.

_Hot._

He hissed at the burning pain around him but continued to freeze the wing until it was holding onto the body by a thread, and then he ripped it off. Gray’s body hit the ground hard and END thrashed as it tried to recover.

“’Can’t fly with one wing, huh?” Gray spit out blood and smiled. His body was numb from the burns and he didn’t feel the other wounds until he tried to stand up. “It’s too bad, they were pretty,”

Natsu tried to stop his body when END ran towards the raven yet again, but his feet moved by themselves. His weight was uneven now, with one wing straining to lift him by itself and the other stump oozing out black liquid by the gallon.

Fair amount of injuries to the both of them. Fair fight. Like always.

It progressed for what seemed like hours; Natsu’s body could barely move and Gray was bleeding so much that almost no part of his skin was clean. END was still awake, and angry. Angry that its body was failing. Angry that Natsu was still fighting.

“Come on, Natsu,” Gray yelled as he threw another attack, “I know you’re there, I know you can hear me!”

Blue eyes bore into red ones and END roared as ice daggers tore at his skin.

“Look at where we are you fucking demon!” He threw his shredded hand in the direction of the forgotten village. His finger aimed towards a grave, and while Natsu couldn’t make out a name, the expression on Gray’s face said more than enough.

“That was my mom,” Gray’s voice was rough, “This was my village before Deliora destroyed the whole damn thing. You came here because you sensed I’d be here, don’t you get it?”

Natsu felt his hand grip Gray’s extended arm and wrench it backwards. A sickening snap echoed in the empty air and Gray choked on a cry.

His wrist might have been broken but the adrenaline inside of him screamed for release, and he grabbed END’s scorching flesh in his hands and sent shards straight into the skin.

The fight continued until the beings were no longer trying to knock the other down, but rather grabbing onto each other for their own support. Their magic extinguished, they were naturally weak, but Gray’s arm had been burnt off and there was a gash in his leg so deep that he was sure it was almost severed. Natsu’s body was not better off. His wings were gone and his left horn was lodged in his own shoulder. There were cuts all over him and he couldn’t see out of his right eye, if it was even there anymore.

“Please,” Gray gasped in a whisper, “Please, come back to me, I can’t…”

He staggered and grabbed onto Natsu’s forearm with the one arm he had left. END did nothing, because of how weak its body was, and Natsu was still thrashing in his head, trying so hard to do _anything_ at all to help or reassure Gray that they’d make it through this. That it would all be okay. He knew that if he could talk, he would say something else. Something that would save millions of people. Something that could possibly save Gray.

“Kill me,”

His body spoke when Natsu did and he froze, as did Gray, who collapsed into his chest. Natsu fell back on him, and they supported their weight as Natsu tried to maintain control.

“Now, kill me now, I can’t hold it back”

There was blood in his mouth and in Gray’s eyes, mixed in with his tears.

“Has it really come to that,” He choked on his sobs, “I don’t want to, please, don’t make me,”

Natsu could feel hot tears running down his own face and it burned. END was coming back strong, nagging at the back of his head. It would get out; Natsu knew that. He didn’t have time.

“Please,” He whimpered, “Please, please, Gray, don’t let me kill anyone else,”

Gray looked down at him, his best friend, the one he loved, and felt the ugly heat rise up inside of him. His skin was already broken; there was no more to scratch. He took Natsu’s hand.

“Don’t make me kill you,” Natsu begged, staggering and swaying where he stood.

Gray nodded slowly and squeezed his hand, wishing he had his other arm so that he could keep holding on.

Natsu waited for the end strike, the final blow, and gasped when the darkness pulled him back under so fast he couldn’t try and stop it. The demon’s claws ripped through Gray’s chest just as the raven shoved an ice spear through Natsu’s arm and into his heart.

They collapsed together, hand in hand.

.

Natsu blinked his remaining eye and saw the moon.

It was fading in and out and sometimes it appeared red, but it was still the moon. It was beautiful, like Gray’s eyes.

He could feel his heart was open and could hear his breathing slowing down. In any other battle this was when he’d start to panic, to try and fix himself. To heal. But the pain was refreshing.

Natsu smiled before the moon disappeared, because Gray’s hand felt cold again.

.

_Gray,_

_I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again. You’re probably confused because I just randomly left and I’m sorry. I’m not myself anymore and Happy is dead._

_I’m rushing to finish because I don’t know when I’m going to lose it completely. But I miss you and I need you with me, I want you with me, and I’m so sorry I have to leave._

_Please remember me as Natsu Dragneel, the boy who picked fights with you when we were little. I don’t want you to think of me as what I’m becoming._

_I’m scared, Gray. The dark is coming back fast and I won’t be able to breathe without you here because I lov_

**Author's Note:**

> e you


End file.
